Conscious Sexuality

Everyone living fulfilled sex lives, fully in their body, in love with who they are and what is possible for them and for the people in their lives

 

So most of us have heard the word masturbation, and some of us do it, and some of us don’t, masturbation is something I highly recommend to everyone. But before I go into that I want to look at the word mindful as you may never have heard of that word and if you have you probably won’t have heard it in conjunction with masturbation.

So lets start with the word “Mindful” Dictionary definition

Focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, especially as part of a therapeutic or meditative technique.”tune in to your body and be mindful”

Being mindful is actually a way to live life but actually, people often attribute it to meditation or yoga practice. So what does it mean to be mindful in life, or mindful in your masturbation? And what is being present anyway?

Being present is about not thinking about the past or the future, very often in life we are thinking about things that happened in the past when we are doing something, such as “This didnt go well last time, I hope it goes better this time” or maybe about the future, “What am I going to cook for dinner tonight”, “Oh no that report needs to be in tomorrow morning and I still have 2 hours work to do on it!”. Come on be honest how many of you have been having sex and thinking about what you need to do afterwards?

The thing often plays out in sex or masturbation is patterns, which also have us not be present because they are about getting back to a past experience we have had. That fantasy that we always go to turn us on, that type of porn video, that toy that always works. And there is nothing wrong with that, but what can often happen with that is we become dependant on that thing to work for us, and if it’s not there we are not able to get aroused and very often over time that thing stops working and we go off searching for the next thing that will work. Porn can often as well give us unrealistic expectations of what sex and masturbation should look like, often causing problems such as addiction and also problems with lack of arousal as we compare ourselves to those unrealistic videos.

There is also a lot of stigma around masturbation which you may or may not experience. I certainly had it that masturbation was second best to sex with my partner (even when that sex wasn’t very satisfying!). I found it was something when I did it I did it in secret, sometimes after sex when he had turned over and fallen asleep and I was left unsatisfied, sometimes when he had gone out or was in the other room when I knew I wasn’t going to get sex for whatever reason but I was horny. It was something we didn’t talk about, as I was worried about offending him, making him think he hadn’t satisfied me. When I did it, it was quick, using the porn video that I knew would work or my favorite vibrator, desperate to get to that orgasm as quickly as possible, loving that feeling of the high but also very often a short time later wanting more, never feeling fully satisfied.

But, What would it look like for you if you were able to give yourself the most incredible pleasure all over your body, in a loving nurturing way that was different every time and satisfying to a level you have never experienced before? And then what would that look like if you were able to do that with a partner?

So if at this point your saying yes please… then read on…..

First of all, give yourself time, many of us are so rushing from thing to thing we don’t stop to give ourselves the time and the space to enjoy pleasure.

Secondly vary things up, learn different things, explore, touch your body, use massage, oil, dance, move, use music

Finally and MOST importantly, practice not going for orgasm, many of us are so goal driven we dont allow ourselfs to feel.

There are so many pleasure spots in your body, that are very often switched off because we don’t use them, so allow yourself to do this over time, many days, and weeks. Many people share they feel numb or feel nothing and that is completely normal, but it is also completely possible to start to feel again. But it does take time and patience.

And because of this, it does help to have support, we run weekly conscious touch sessions on zoom which helps to turn on pleasure in your body in a nonsexual way, we also run more specifically Mindful masturbation group sessions on zoom, which is camera off but a great way to hear other peoples stories and practice in a safe environment. If you would like something more private we also offer one to one bespoke sessions where we can discuss and work through any particular masturbation issues and concerns you may be dealing with. Please feel free to reach out to discuss this with us.

Have fun with your mindful masturbation sessions…..