Practical Information for Your Journey Together
Clear agreements, communication preferences, and what to expect when working with meYou've Explored the Pathways - What Happens Next?
If you've been reading about couples work and thinking "this feels right for us" (or "for me"), this page covers everything practical you need to know.
Whether you're considering joint sessions, both working individually, or one partner starting first, the next step is always the same: a discovery call to explore fit and establish clear agreements.
Not sure which pathway is right? Learn more about the three ways to begin →
This work touches intimate territory - your relationship, your bodies, your vulnerabilities. Clear agreements from the start create the safety needed for transformation. This page outlines exactly how we'll work together, what to expect, and how we'll handle the complexities that naturally arise when working with couples.
Before We Begin
Your Discovery Call
Every couples journey begins with a discovery call to ensure we're the right fit and to establish clear agreements from the start.
For Couples Considering Joint Work:
We'll begin with a 60-minute call with both of you together to explore what's happening in your relationship and get a sense of whether this approach feels right. Following that, I'll have a brief 20-minute individual call with each of you separately. These individual conversations give each person space to share their own intentions and ensure you both genuinely want to do this work. It's important to me that both partners are choosing this freely, without any sense of pressure or coercion.
For Individuals Considering Separate Work:
If one of you is exploring this work on your own, we'll have a single 60-minute call together. We'll discuss what's prompting you to seek support, how individual work might benefit both you and your relationship, and establish agreements that feel right for your situation. There's no requirement for your partner to be involved in any way.
What We'll Cover:
In these calls, we'll explore what's brought you to seek support now, your relationship history and current patterns, and which pathway makes most sense for you, whether that's joint sessions, both of you working individually, or one partner starting first. We'll talk about what sessions would actually look like, practical arrangements, investment and payment, and most importantly, whether we're the right fit for each other.
We establish initial agreements during the discovery call, then keep the conversation open as the work unfolds.
My Approach to Supporting Couples
Grounded in the Body, Not Just Talk
While conversation has its place, intimacy challenges often live in the nervous system, breath patterns, and embodied responses, places talk therapy can't always reach. My approach combines practical skills with somatic (body-based) work that addresses how you actually experience intimacy, not just how you think about it.
Going at Your Pace
We move slowly, with full respect for both partners' comfort levels. There's never pressure to do anything that doesn't feel right. You're always in control of what happens. Sessions are structured so you can explore new territory whilst always feeling safe enough to be honest about your limits.
Honouring Both People Equally
Each person's feelings, needs, and boundaries matter equally. This isn't about one person fixing themselves for the other. It's about both of you growing together. Sometimes one partner's needs take priority for a session, but over time, there's balance.
Working With Your Body, Not Just Your Mind
Sometimes talking alone isn't enough when challenges are held in your body and nervous system. You'll learn practical, embodied tools that create real change:
- Recognising when you're in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses
- Calming your nervous system when emotions run high
- Understanding what your body is communicating (tension, numbness, openness)
- Experiencing touch that creates safety and connection
- Being present with your partner without judgment or agenda
- Breathwork for shifting energy and creating presence
- Body awareness practices that build capacity for sensation and pleasure
When you're truly present and embodied, your body knows what to do. We're not learning techniques. We're learning to listen.
Touch-Based Work: What This Means
This work is somatic, grounded in the body, and can include touch as part of the therapeutic process. Touch might range from:
- Breathing exercises and guided body awareness
- Hand-holding or supportive touch on shoulders
- Bodywork practices that help you connect with sensation
- Intimate touch as part of learning about embodied intimacy (when appropriate and consensual)
Sessions can be fully clothed and talk-based if that's what serves you. The body-based aspect can be as simple as noticing breath or tracking sensations. Touch-based bodywork is one option among many.
In joint sessions, touch might include guided practices for you to touch each other, or touch from me to demonstrate techniques or offer support.
When working individually with both partners, establishing clear touch boundaries becomes essential. We'll discuss this thoroughly in your discovery call.
Drawing on Multiple Traditions and Approaches
- Tantric principles for cultivating sustainable desire and viewing sexuality as sacred rather than shameful
- Somatic (body-based) practices for working with trauma and nervous system patterns that talk therapy alone can't reach
- Wheel of Consent framework developed by Dr. Betty Martin for understanding the nuances of giving, receiving, taking, and allowing in relationships
- Clean Language facilitation for exploring your inner experience without my interpretation or agenda
- Modern relationship research on attachment, communication patterns, conflict resolution, and what makes long-term relationships thrive (including work by Dr. John Gottman, Esther Perel, and Dr. Amy Muise)
- Sexological bodywork principles for understanding anatomy, arousal, and pleasure in practical, educational ways
A Trauma-Informed, Consent-Based Approach
All my work with couples, whether joint sessions, individual sessions, or online, is grounded in these core principles:
Your pace, always
We move only as fast as the slower partner feels comfortable. Either of you can pause, slow down, or stop at any time.
Clear boundaries
Consent isn't just a concept. It's practised in every moment. You'll both learn to recognise, communicate, and honour your boundaries and your partner's.
Body wisdom
Both your bodies hold profound intelligence. Rather than overriding them, we'll learn to listen to what they're telling you, individually and together.
No performance pressure
This isn't about achieving goals, performing for each other, or looking a certain way. It's about authentic connection and embodied awareness.
Equal regard for both partners
Your needs, pace, and boundaries are equally important. I hold space for both of you without taking sides or making anyone wrong.
Professional support
As a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, trained Tantra practitioner, Clean Language facilitator, and experienced coach, I bring both ancient wisdom and modern understanding to couples work.
Creating Safety for Exploration
All work happens within clear agreements about:
- Confidentiality: what's shared stays private
- Consent: either partner can pause or stop anything at any time
- Boundaries: we discuss and agree on what will and won't happen
- Pace: we move only as fast as the slower partner feels comfortable
- No pressure toward any particular outcome or timeline
Safety creates the foundation for exploration. Trust makes transformation possible.
Practical Arrangements
What Actually Happens in Sessions
People often ask what they should expect when they arrive. The honest answer is that every session is different because we work with what's alive for you both in the moment. That said, there's often a rhythm to how sessions unfold.
We'll start by checking in: what's present for you both right now? What's been happening since we last met? Sometimes couples arrive with something specific they want to explore. Other times, we discover what needs attention as we begin.
From there, I might introduce a concept or framework that's relevant to what you're navigating. This isn't lecture-style teaching. It's offering a lens that helps you understand your own experience differently. Then we move into experiential work. This might be breath exercises you do together, communication practices where you learn to give each other feedback that can actually be heard, or exploring different qualities of touch: giving, receiving, taking, allowing.
Sometimes we work with boundaries and desires through structured exercises. Other times we explore arousal patterns through discussion and gentle exploration. The thread running through all of it is presence: learning to be with yourselves and each other without agenda or performance pressure.
We always leave time at the end for reflection and integration. What did you notice? What wants to be acknowledged? And I'll often suggest practices you can continue at home, simple things that keep the work alive between sessions.
Session Formats and Scheduling
Sessions can be held online or in-person at my practice in North London. For couples working together, I recommend 2-hour sessions. This gives us enough time to check in with both of you, explore what's present, and do experiential work without feeling rushed. We'll find times that work for both of you. If you're each working with me individually, sessions are 90 minutes and you'll book your own sessions independently. They can be at different frequencies if that suits you better.
I ask for 48 hours notice if you need to reschedule. Life happens, and we'll discuss what to do if one partner can't make a joint session. Sometimes we'll reschedule, other times it makes sense for the available partner to have an individual session.
How We'll Communicate
Before we begin, we need to establish clear agreements about communication. This matters more than you might think. It prevents confusion and protects everyone's boundaries.
We'll discuss who I should contact for scheduling and reminders. If you're both working with me individually, I need explicit permission to contact each of you directly. Some couples prefer all communication to go through one person. Others want separate contact. There's no right way. What matters is that we're all clear and comfortable with the arrangement.
We'll also agree on how you prefer to communicate (email, WhatsApp, phone) and whether you want joint updates or separate communications. If you're both seeing me individually, we'll be specific about what information can be shared between you and what stays private.
Financial Arrangements
Money can be a sensitive topic, especially when partners manage finances differently. Let's get clear from the start so there's no confusion later.
We'll discuss whether this is being paid from a joint account, whether one partner is covering the cost, or whether you're each paying for your own sessions. I can send payment links for booking, or you can pay by bank transfer, whatever works best for you.
It's also worth thinking ahead: what happens if one partner wants to continue and the other doesn't? What if you separate during our work together? What if circumstances change? We'll document these agreements clearly during the discovery call.
Sessions are £180 for 90 minutes for individual work, or £240 for 2 hours for couples sessions. If you're both working with me individually, each person pays £180 for their own 90-minute sessions.
Location
My practice is in North London with excellent transport links and free parking nearby. Sessions can also be held online via Zoom if that works better for you.
Confidentiality & Boundaries
This might be the most important section on this entire page. When working with couples, especially when seeing partners individually, confidentiality becomes delicate and complex. It's not just about protecting your privacy. It's about creating the conditions for honest work whilst maintaining trust in your relationship.
Let me be direct: if we don't get this right, the work can't happen safely. So we'll spend real time during your discovery call establishing agreements that protect everyone involved.
Why This Matters So Much
Imagine you're seeing me individually and you share something vulnerable in session, something you're not ready to discuss with your partner yet. You need to know that information stays with me unless you explicitly choose to share it. Without that safety, you can't do honest work.
Now imagine your partner's perspective. They know you're seeing me, they know you're working on things that affect the relationship, and they might wonder: what are they saying in there? What am I not being told? Without clear agreements, this can create anxiety and mistrust.
Both of these concerns are valid. Both need to be addressed. That's why we create explicit agreements before we begin.
When Working With Both Partners Individually
This is where things get most complex. You're each having your own individual sessions with me, doing your own work, at your own pace. But you're also in a relationship together. So how do we navigate the overlap?
What Stays Private
The content of your individual sessions is confidential unless you specifically ask me to share something. I won't report to your partner what you say in sessions. I won't compare notes between your sessions. Each person's process is their own, and you each need the freedom to explore your experience without worrying about what your partner will hear.
This means if you share something in session (doubts about the relationship, something from your past, feelings you're not ready to discuss), that information stays between us. You decide what, when, and how to share with your partner, not me.
The Complexity: What If Something Comes Up That Affects the Relationship?
Here's where it gets tricky. What if you share something in an individual session that directly affects your partner or the relationship? Perhaps you're thinking about ending the relationship. Perhaps you've been having an affair. Perhaps you're dealing with something that has significant implications for your partner's wellbeing or choices.
I can't work ethically if I'm holding information that one partner would need to know to make informed decisions about their own life. So we need to address these situations upfront.
During your discovery call, we'll discuss:
- What information must be shared? We'll begin to establish what crosses the line from "your private process" into "something your partner needs to know." This isn't me deciding for you. We work this out together, and we can adjust as situations arise.
- How do we handle disclosure? If something significant comes up, how do you want to handle it? Do you tell your partner yourself? Do we have a joint session where you share it with my support? Do we pause the work until you've had that conversation? We'll discuss possibilities, knowing we might need to revisit this if it actually happens.
- What are my ethical limits? There are some situations where I ethically cannot continue working with you both if certain information remains hidden. We'll be clear about what those situations are, though the specifics of how to handle them will depend on what actually comes up.
Safety Concerns
If I become concerned about anyone's safety (yours, your partner's, or someone else's), confidentiality has limits. We'll discuss this during the discovery call, but know that safety always takes precedence.
Your Process, Your Pace
When you're both working individually, your processes may move at completely different paces. One of you might be ready to explore certain territory whilst the other isn't. One might want to discuss the relationship whilst the other is focused on their individual work. This is normal and okay.
I won't push you to "catch up" with each other or move at the same speed. Each person's work unfolds in its own time.
When Working Together in Joint Sessions
Joint sessions have their own considerations around boundaries and safety.
Equal Regard for Both Partners
In joint sessions, both partners' perspectives and experiences are equally valid. I won't take sides. I won't gang up with one partner against the other. I won't decide who's "right" or who needs to change more.
If something comes up in session where I see a dynamic that's not serving you, I'll name it, but I'll do so in a way that honours both of you. This work isn't about one person fixing themselves for the other. It's about both of you growing.
What Happens Outside Sessions?
We'll establish agreements about communication between sessions. Can either partner contact me individually between joint sessions? If so, what boundaries do we need around that? What gets shared back in the joint space?
Some couples prefer that all communication goes through both of them: no individual texts or emails. Others are comfortable with individual check-ins as long as there's transparency about it. There's no single right way. What matters is that we're all clear and comfortable with the arrangement.
If One Partner Wants Private Conversation
Sometimes during joint work, one partner wants to speak with me privately. How do we handle that? Do we pause the joint work and shift to individual sessions? Do we have a brief individual conversation with the understanding that the partner will share the essence of it in the next joint session? Do we decline individual conversations entirely whilst doing joint work?
Again, we'll establish this upfront so there are no surprises or ruptured trust.
Touch Boundaries & Consent
When working with both partners individually, it's essential that BOTH partners are comfortable with the level of touch involved in each other's sessions. This is about creating safety and trust for everyone involved.
What This Means in Practice
If I'm working individually with both of you, we'll establish clear agreements about touch boundaries that both partners consent to. For example:
- Partner A might be comfortable with full bodywork for Partner B (including intimate touch as part of therapeutic work)
- Or Partner A might prefer I only use "friendly touch" with Partner B (shoulders, arms, hands, as you would with a friend)
- Or Partner A might request minimal or no touch with Partner B
These boundaries aren't about controlling your partner's session. They're about ensuring everyone feels safe and respected. One partner being uncomfortable with touch in the other's sessions is completely valid and will be honoured.
For Joint Sessions
Touch in joint couples sessions is always consensual and discussed beforehand:
- I may offer touch to both partners as appropriate (with permission)
- We may work with guided practices where you touch each other
- Sessions can remain fully clothed and talk-based
- The level of physical contact is determined by what feels right for both of you
Ongoing Consent
These boundaries can evolve. As trust builds, you might become comfortable with more touch. Or boundaries might need to become more defined. Either is fine.
Anyone can request changes at any time. If discomfort arises, we stop immediately and discuss. No explanation needed. Your comfort is paramount.
We'll establish initial touch agreements during your discovery call and document them in your working agreement. We'll revisit them as needed throughout our work together.
When One Partner Starts Individual Work First
If you're working with me individually and your partner isn't involved (yet, or at all), the boundaries are clearer. Your sessions are private. What you share is confidential. Your partner isn't part of the work.
The complexity comes if your partner later becomes interested in working with me too. At that point, we need to have an explicit conversation about whether I can work with both of you, what the new agreements would be, and how we transition from individual work to potentially working with both of you.
How We Document This
After your discovery call, I'll send you a written agreement that documents our initial understandings about:
- Who I have permission to contact and how
- Who is financially responsible for which sessions
- What information can be shared between partners
- What information must stay confidential
- How we'll approach difficult situations if they arise
- What happens if one partner wants to stop or change the arrangement
You'll both need to review and agree to these initial terms before we begin. But these aren't set in stone. As the work unfolds and situations arise that we hadn't anticipated, we can revisit and adjust these agreements. The key is that we do so consciously, with open communication, and with everyone's agreement.
An Ongoing Conversation, Not a One-Time Agreement
Here's something important: we don't establish all of this once in the discovery call and then never revisit it. We can't possibly anticipate every situation that might arise. Real life is messier and more complex than any agreement document can capture.
So whilst we'll create clear initial agreements during the discovery call, we treat confidentiality and boundaries as an ongoing conversation. If something comes up in a session that touches on these agreements, if you're uncertain about what you can share, if you're feeling uncomfortable with how something was handled, if your needs have changed, we address it then and there.
Sometimes you won't know how you feel about something until it happens. That's okay. We can pause, discuss, renegotiate. The agreements exist to serve the work and protect everyone involved, not to lock us into something that isn't working.
I'll also check in periodically, especially in the early stages of working together: How are these agreements feeling? Is anything unclear? Has anything come up that we need to address?
These agreements aren't just paperwork. They're living documents that we can adjust as needed.
The Bottom Line
I know this section is long. But I'd rather be thorough now than have confusion or ruptured trust later. These agreements aren't just paperwork. They're living documents that we can adjust as needed. They're the foundation that makes honest, transformative work possible.
During your discovery call, we'll establish initial agreements that feel right for your situation. And then we'll keep the conversation open as the work unfolds. Ask every question you have: during the discovery call, in sessions, whenever something comes up. We'll work it out together.
What Couples Say
One-to-One Sessions
Couples Work
Melanie's couple sessions created a welcoming, intimate and safe space. The work we did was graceful yet so potent. It has caused beautiful ripples in my relationship with my life partner. I've developed heightened sensitivity and a profound grounding in my body that I didn't realise was possible.
Being in Love with You Course
Couples Work
The intimacy in my relationship with my partner has really developed. He started to get freed up from shame and we could have more fun together.
Being in Love with You Course
One-to-One Sessions
I've been able to have conversations with my partner about our sexual relationship that I would have shied away from in the past, and our relationship is definitely better for it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Getting Started
Not necessarily. Some couples work together from the start, others begin with one partner working individually. During your free discovery call, we'll discuss what makes most sense for your situation. There's no single "right" way.
Traditional talk therapy can be helpful, but sometimes intimacy challenges need a different approach, one that works directly with your body and nervous system, not just conversation. This work offers practical, embodied tools alongside communication skills.
Absolutely not. All relationship configurations, sexual orientations, and relationship structures are welcome. I work with heterosexual, same-sex, and queer couples; with monogamous, open, and polyamorous relationships; with married couples, long-term partners, and those just beginning their journey together.
As someone who is bisexual and in a polyamorous relationship myself, I understand the specific dynamics, challenges, and joys of non-traditional relationship structures. Whether you're navigating jealousy in an open relationship, establishing agreements in polyamory, or exploring your sexuality beyond heteronormative frameworks, I bring lived experience alongside professional expertise.
The principles of consent, embodiment, authentic connection, and maintaining both intimacy and desire are universal. They apply across all relationship types and orientations.
This work is most effective when there's a foundation of basic safety, trust, and commitment to the relationship. You might be struggling with distance, desire, communication, or feeling disconnected, and that's exactly why couples seek this support.
What's needed:
- Basic safety and respect between you
- Both partners willing to engage (even if one is more hesitant)
- Genuine desire to work on the relationship
If your relationship is in more significant crisis:
If you're dealing with active addiction, domestic violence, severe mental health issues, affairs, or contemplating separation, I can work alongside your therapist or counsellor as part of a broader support network. The embodied, somatic aspect of my work can complement talk therapy, but more intensive therapeutic support should be in place first.
If your partner isn't interested:
If one partner isn't ready or willing to engage in couples work, individual work is absolutely an option. Many people work with me individually on their relationship with sexuality, intimacy, and embodiment, and this often positively impacts the relationship, sometimes sparking curiosity in the other partner later. See my women's or men's pages for individual work.
During the discovery call, we'll honestly assess what approach makes most sense for your situation.
Practical Arrangements
All three pathways work online. If you're doing individual work, you don't need to be in the same place at all.
Individual sessions can be scheduled completely independently. Joint sessions need coordination, but we can be flexible with timing.
We can discuss spacing sessions further apart, shorter sessions, or sliding scale options. I don't want cost to be a complete barrier.
No. While consistency helps, you can work session by session. Packages offer savings but aren't required.
Online sessions make this manageable. We can also adjust frequency based on your schedules.
Yes, with clear communication and updated agreements. The format can evolve as your needs change. We can transition from individual to joint work, or from joint to individual work, whatever serves you best. We'll establish new agreements whenever the format shifts.
Relationship Dynamics
This is actually important information. We'll explore this in the discovery call. Disagreement about how to proceed often reflects deeper dynamics worth understanding.
I won't work with anyone who doesn't genuinely consent. If one partner is reluctant, we'll discuss whether individual work for the willing partner makes more sense, or whether this isn't the right time.
This work can support you in making that decision consciously, or in separating respectfully if that's what you choose. I won't push you to stay together or split up. I support your autonomy.
This work can be part of healing from affairs, but it requires both partners genuinely wanting to work through it. We'll need very clear agreements about confidentiality and what gets shared.
Common, and workable. Part of the work is discovering what you each truly want and finding where there's alignment.
This is exactly why we establish touch boundaries upfront. When working with both partners individually, we'll discuss what level of touch everyone is comfortable with. This might mean:
- Different levels of touch for each partner (full bodywork for one, minimal touch for the other)
- Fully clothed sessions for one or both partners
- One partner working individually while the other doesn't
- Adjusting the working arrangement to something that feels safe for everyone
These boundaries can evolve as trust builds, or they can stay as they are. The key is that everyone's comfort matters, and we'll only proceed with what feels right for all involved.
No. Sessions can be fully clothed and talk-based if that's what serves you. The body-based aspect can be as simple as breathing practices, guided awareness of sensations, or noticing what's happening in your body during conversation.
Touch-based bodywork is one option among many, and we'll only include what feels appropriate and consensual for your situation. Some couples work primarily through talk and guided exercises. Others include more hands-on bodywork. We'll find what's right for you.
Confidentiality & Privacy
I won't share that information. I'll remind your partner that your sessions are confidential and suggest they talk with you directly if they're curious or concerned about something.
We can discuss the best way to do that. Sometimes the most powerful approach is for you to share it directly, perhaps in a joint session with my support. Sometimes you might ask me to be the one to bring it up. We'll work out what feels right for the specific situation.
We can transition to joint work, but we'll need to establish new agreements. What information from your individual work comes into the joint space? What stays private? How do we handle the shift? We'll work through this together.
We'll establish new agreements for the transition. The person continuing individually gets clear boundaries around their private work. We discuss what happens with information that came up in joint sessions. We ensure everyone understands and consents to the new arrangement.
Take the First Step
Begin With a Conversation
Every couples journey begins with free discovery calls where we talk through what you are both hoping for, work out the right way in, and establish clear agreements about how we'll work together.
For Couples Considering Joint Work:
- 60-minute joint call with both partners together
- Plus brief individual calls with each partner (15-20 minutes each)
The individual calls ensure that both partners have authentic intentions and are genuinely choosing this work for themselves, not being coerced or pressured. This protects everyone and creates the foundation for genuine transformation.
For Individuals Considering Separate Work:
- 60-minute individual calls with each partner
There's no pressure, no obligation: just honest conversations about where you are and what might help.
Continue Exploring
Scheduling Sex Isn’t Unsexy: It’s Intentional
The Erotic Equation: How Attraction Plus Obstacles Creates Desire
Intimacy After an Affair: Rebuilding Trust
Sexless Marriage and Rebuilding Intimacy
From Roommates to Lovers: Rebuilding Intimacy When the Children Leave
Stay, Leave, or Rebuild? Navigating the Relationship Crossroads in Midlife
The Vulnerability of Being Truly Seen
Conscious Lovemaking: Discovering Intimacy Beyond the Goal
Polyamory and Conscious Connection
Beyond Technique: The Body’s Own Intelligence
The Wheel of Consent: A Framework for Couples
Not Sure Couples Work Is Right For You?
Women's Work
Explore your relationship with your body, sexuality, and pleasure in a safe, supportive space. Whether you're healing from trauma, reconnecting after life changes, or deepening your embodied aliveness, this work helps you come home to yourself.
Individual sessions focus on body awareness, consent, boundaries, and discovering what truly feels good for you, not what you think "should."
Men's Work
Develop deeper presence, overcome performance anxiety, and discover embodied confidence in your sexuality. This work addresses the challenges talk therapy alone can't reach, working directly with your nervous system, breath, and body responses.
Individual sessions support men in building authentic connection, understanding arousal patterns, and moving beyond performance into genuine pleasure.
Courses & Workshops
Join group experiences that build community whilst deepening your relationship with embodiment and conscious sexuality. Courses and workshops explore topics like consent, boundaries, embodied presence, and authentic connection, creating space for shared learning in a supportive environment.
Group work offers both education and experiential practices, allowing you to learn alongside others on similar journeys.
Embrace Your Journey of Healing
Ready to reconnect with your authentic self?To explore working with me, I recommend you begin with a discovery call to discuss your needs and determine the best approach for your journey. You deserve to feel alive, connected, and present in your body.